Tuesday, April 14, 2015

52 Motley Journal Pages #9: Acknowledge the Journey

I fell off the wagon. Or is it on? I have no idea. A wave of depression crashed down. My daughter was ill. The never-ending-to-do-list exploded in my head and the tax man wanted to know how much money we made so he could collect his due. What can one do except pick themself up, dust off the ol' spandex and hop back on again? :)

Of course, before I dust my spandex off there are the moments I berate myself for not showing up, for not getting it done, for procrastinating and inserting a laundry list of things to do before I can get to it.

It's a struggle, but today I'm saying t'hell with the laundry list and looking at the art journal page I had photographed and waiting for me on my computer. The words I stamped reminding me to embrace where I am and honor the journey. I have come so far. I must admit...er, acknowledge that. For all the moments I feel overwhelmed.behind.stuck.late.defeated. I need to acknowledge how far I have come. For all the moments I believe my art sucks or feel taken for granted as the needs of others and household obligations take priority over everything else...I need to remember how far I have come and know that I am right where I am supposed to be. This constant focus on the future and where I think I should be is exhausting and self-defeating. Those not-good-enough thoughts can be all consuming, suffocating and when I feel like I can't breathe there's nothing to do but stop and place my head between my knees.

Inhale. Let it flow.

Then I get to today. My computer station is covered in papers and receipts and bills and stuff. I can't find the coaster for my cuppa fresh morning brew. My art island is covered in piles of stuff from a purge that is in midstream. There are a couple of journal exchanges in there somewhere as well as art cards that need to get in the mail. My writing desk is also covered. The trash is overflowing....I boot up my computer and find myself opening the browser...looking, looking, oh I like that!, looking. Looking for something that will kick me into high gear. There's nothing. Nothing but a lot of comparison. She's great. I suck.

Focus. Focus. Focus.

So here I am. The list still thumping in my head. Papers dancing around my desk trying to get my attention as I do my best to ignore them and focus on one tab. Sometimes I just have to jump in and start doing. No plan. Not much forethought. The thing that keeps falling farther and farther down the list {blog posts}. The thing I am procrastinating on the most {blogging}. The thing that is really holding me back from doing all those other things even though I try to convince myself it's the other way around...that thing? That's the thing I just need to jump in and do. Good or bad, or ugly. I just need to show up and do it.

Is this your experience too? Or is it just me? 

Happy Day to you! Today I am choosing to show up. So lovely to see you again! Now I can take care of some of the messes around here. :)

About this page:

I made the larger leaves using a handmade rubber stamp that started as a hot glue stencil. The smaller leaves are also from a hand carved rubber stamp. Some hand writing scribbles, a thin layer of acrylic paints and white paint pen scribbles wrap this page up.

did you know that when you cut/prune a plant, you are telling it where to grow? it works for our hair too. i think it's the same with our lives. when we prune away what isn't working, what is toxic and negative, it allows the positive and loving to flourish.
{eek! hitting publish now}